Sisterly bonding?

I’ve been spending far too much time with my sister lately. The effects are beginning to show.

Not only are we now finishing each others sentences, but…brace yourselves…she WILLINGLY watched a Harry Potter. *faints like a Edwardian Lady*

I brought Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone up to her house two weeks ago determined that I shall have at least one of my ten nephews to share a love of Potter with. He is the youngest, so I had hopes to strike young, like the Hitler Youth did.
Instead, the little fecker was having absolutely none of it. Boo!
When I said I had a little surprise for him his little face lit up. When I continued on and said ‘Harry Potter on DVD’, well, if looks could cast an Avada Kedavra I’d be posting this blog from my own personal Hogwarts looking heaven.
Strangely enough my sister still insisted I should put the DVD on and she and myself shall watch. With in turn brought in her other two who grudgingly enjoyed it too. Mwahaha, Potter always gets you in the end!

So there we were, sis and I. Not saying a word and just listening to the radio when she says “Don’t forget the second Harry Potter. We can watch one and week and by the time the new film comes out I can go with you to see it.”
Well, knock me down with a feather, if I wasn’t already warming my ass on her newly upholstered car seat.

So we watched Chamber of Secrets. I’m not sure if she liked it as much as the first one, but come on, we all know Prisoner of Azkaban (which is this week) is the best of the early films. Lupin AND Sirius. Yay!!!

 

Random Conversations #3

For a while now my sister has been talking about finding a new religion. What with new abuse stories being in the papers each day she is a little dis-hearten with the whole Catholic Church. So a few weeks ago she mentioned she’d like to be Jewish. That fleeting thought was then squashed when I happened to mention they don’t eat from a pig – “Do they not? Ah fuck that so. I love my fry on a Sunday morning.”

Then last night, we had another one of our usual random talks about nothingness which started when an add for SuperQuinn came on the TV.

Sis: You know what. I’m gone off meat lately.

Me: This mean your gonna give being a Jew ago?

Sis: Oooh, yeah. I could, couldn’t I.

Me: Whatever you do, don’t mention it to ma. I said I’m thinking of becoming Jewish the other day and she told me “ya will in your arse”

Sis: *surprised* Are you thinking about changing religion too? I’m gone off those priests. We should do it together. Don’t mind ma.
OK, thats that. We’ll become Jews so. Now, I just have to find out what they believe in.

Me: You’re an idiot!

 

As Johnny Logan sang – what’s love got to do wit…no, wait, that’s not right

You know what I would love. You know the advert for the vodka – the one where they’re in the forest, partying, all dressed up looking like a Florence and the Machine video? I would love that for my birthday party!

Those paper lanterns things hanging from, and entwined with the trees. Girls in flowy white dresses looking like fairies. Everyone happy and having a fun time *sigh* It’s a nice dream. But as it stands I can’t even get them out for a meal and a few drinks.

Aside from one friend everyone else has cancelled. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has their own lives and I get that. I’m the unemployable asshole with all the free time in the world.  I totally understand that they’ve things like money and jobs to worry about and that’s why I say “it’s totally fine”, because it is.

It’s just a little saddening too. I never get anything good. And it’s never “my” day. I share it with my twin nephews, and though my mam always tries to make it about me, it never feels like it is.

We’re not the type of family who put thought into presents – aside from myself and my eldest sister -  you get 20 in a card. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to get an actual card. So you don’t feel special with all the wonderful, thoughtful gifts you get. And you especially don’t feel special when your oldest brother brings around gifts for your twin nephews and nothing for you and then says “It’s your birthday too? Since when?”
Erm…well since about 27 years, actually. Oddly enough it falls on this same date, every year. How odd is that, eh?

I think it needs to sink in that I’m probably a bit too old to think birthdays should still be nice to have. I don’t think I’ve had a good one since I was 12. And I don’t even recall that being the greatest – I just remember every kid and friend off the road out the back playing with the stuff I got (you know the type – plastic tennis rackets with the sponge ball, hula hoops etc – basically what you bought a typical child of the 80′s) but me wandering out to my mam who stood, as was her norm, at the front gate just breathing in the fresh air – albeit puffing on a smoke too.
I must have been a loner then because I still remember it clearly - and I remember nothing that clearly back then, my eye sight was bad and it was before my wearing glasses – she asked why I wasn’t out the back playing with my friends. My reply was simply “they’re not my friends, your my best friend.”

It’s still the very same, all these years later.

 

Sunday, Sunday *da da da da da da*

I was having such a wonderful day today. I was so happy doing sod all. It was a day for TV.

Sundays I adore for one reason; documentries. I generally spend early Sunday mornings watching something on the Discovery or the History channels.
I gave the digi-box a break this morning though. I, during the week, purchased a box set of Vampire documentires all for a glorious tenner. Score!
It was either vampires or Hitler. I stood there vampire one hand, Hitler the other, summing up which one I wanted most. Vampire Secrets it was!

I stand by my choice. I knew half the facts about the origins of the vampire myths, half the story behind Bram Stokers life, but it was all very interesting nonetheless.

Next up was my Michael Sheen marthon, on account of him being the captain of the ‘Rest of the world’ team in this years Soccer Aid. I’m currently watching as he admits his man crush on Ryan Giggs
After this its Blood Diamond. Fantastic film!

It’s just a shame today has been tainted with Cee annoying the hell out of me, the ungrateful cow!

It was her birthday on Friday so we got her charms from her bracelet. Turns out they weren’t the exact charms she likes, so she wanted to change them. Fair enough, but when I joked that the new ones are ‘tacky’ and our ones where nicer she said the ones I picked out where ‘horrible’.
Thanks Cee, next year you’re getting a scaldy twenty note handed to you next year. And be fucking thankful. Shove your tack and your ‘horrible’ up your arse!

 

Edinburgh

So I’m a little late in writing this up considering I got back Monday evening.

I’ve not been in much of a writing mode lately. Everything is just ‘Grr, Argh’ and I feel a total lack of anything in my life. I’m also very pissed at Dr. Who writers, I can’t believe they not only killed off Rory, but made Amy never to know he existed at all. Bastards! I loved Rory. And to have him totally forgotten seems worse than him dying. Like with Donna’s mind being wiped. That just seemed so cruel.

Once again I’m getting off the point. Where was I, ah yes, Edinburgh.
This time last week…I can’t for the life of me I can’t remember what we were doing that this exact time? Oh wait, I do, I was shockingly watching Dr. Who.
The others were taking naps after a full day of walking all over the old town, but after about ten minutes of my nap I woke up, unable to get back to sleep. Eurgh! Hate when that happens.

I know that sounds pathetic, napping while away for a weekend, but our trip began at 4 am that morning. What an evil, evil hour it was. Carry on luggage is a blessing though, no queues, ye-oh!

 

She crazzeee!

Urgh!!! I’ve not updated in ages. Shame on me. Not that I’ve anything interesting to say…actually when have I ever had anything interesting to say?

I finally got the date for my next laser eye surgery. Whoop-ie *note the lack of excitement in my voice* I can’t wait to get it done. Over and done with and all that, but the thoughts of going through it again is, quite frankly, scary.
My sister says I should try a roach, help with the nerves – to be honest I think she’s crazy. I did it before, I can do it again. It’s not me being weird about popping pills, actually yeah it is. Fuck sake like, its her answer for everything. Headache, take a paracetamol. Tooth ache, take a paracetamol. Nervous over something, take a roach.
She’s advising I take half at first, just in case. Just in case what? She’s off her head, seriously! Especially since she gives this talk and ends the convo with ‘actually I wouldn’t know where to get one so it’s probably best you said no’
Why even bother? *sigh*

 

“Let it never be said that romance is dead…ruby ruby ruby ruby…”

They did it, don’t ask me how but the ‘rents have managed to reach their 40th wedding anniversary. And didn’t they look the picture of happiness – well perhaps that’s pushing it; the way their faces fall would make a person think they were the two crankiest feckers in the world.
They were happy though. Even when my dad surprised my mam with a ruby ring and her reply was ‘ooo, that’s nice’, he instantly knew that she hated it. It went like water off a ducks back, he knows her by this stage, (I should hope) so he flashed her the receipt so she can change it for one she likes.
Sometimes you wonder how they got this far but then most other times you see them together and realise they are the perfect match. (That and the fact that nobody else would put up with them j/k)

The party went well. I think the sisters and myself went a little overboard with regards the food because it was most definitely a sin the amount of stuff we had to throw out the next day. And to think, we were worried we wouldn’t have enough. Ah well, the birds sure had their stomachs full these last two days.

I don’t think the house was cleaned as thoroughly as that at Christmas just gone. Patrice went to town (and IKEA for some vases) with the elbow grease. And of course she got yours truly scrubbing like a Cinderella too. I had thought I’d come to blows with CeeCee again over the course of the party (that girl’s not one to get her finger out, especially not when there is drink to be drunk) but I’m pleased to announce we weren’t an embarrassment to ourselves or to Patrice. Yay for us!

 

May be in need of a new second home?

I really need to spend time away from my sister. I’m becoming more and more like her so much that we are finishing each others sentences. “Awww, thats sweet” you may say, you don’t know my sister!

She sees a tone and feels the overwhelming need to lower it. It’s very funny, if not very lady like at times

We went to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie the other night – It was so good. Finally a Jude Law film that’s worth watching, he’s not been in many of those of late. The chemistry between him and Downey Jr is what made that film funny and worth watching. Of course, the Victorian setting appealed to me, it looked scrumptious, and the occult theme was fun. (Lord Blackwood, what an ace name! Gives off the impression of pure evil mwahahaha). Ace movie. Sad Chrissie couldn’t come with, she would have loved it for the same reasons as myself.
What I didn’t like was Irene. I normally like Rachel McAdams but her Irene just seemed an odd addition, not doing much for the plot. It was only on the way out to the car that I realise why they needed her. My sister now believes Sherlock was in love with Watson. The chemistry between Holmes and Watson was bordered slightly on homoerotic, so much so sister-dearest exclaimed to be ‘a waste of a cock. Two cocks and one pair of hands’

I do believe I pissed myself – the one pair of hands refers to our mutual agreement that Law, for a man, has smallish hands. (We have fondly called him Jude ‘fanny hands’ Law for a while now.) It added to the laughter that just as she said it she pulled up to the ticket machine and she didn’t realise her window was down. Morto! Luckily I don’t think anyone heard.
I’m glad I didn’t finish that sentence, I’m glad I didn’t even think it. That’s when I know I better give her a wide breadth

 

Another year, another Christmas

Christmas has messed up the days for me. Can’t believe it’s Monday. We’re the fuck did the weekend go? Oh yeah, it went on by as I sat on my fat ass. Ye-oh! Well actually, I wish. It was half spent with me on my fat ass, watching TV, day dreaming (the usual really) The other half was cleaning. Grrr!

MamaBear is dying this year (aswell as last) and Cee won’t move her fat arse to tidy up, even after her own kids, and has preferred to do a disappearing act. Just as well, really. When she is here she sits about moaning, with a face like Sadsack and ends up ruining the mood, thus ruining Christmas.

Cleaning has now fallen only my shoulders, so that’s my Christmas. And the sad thing? It’s actually been the best one in a few years. I’m not sure if that’s to do with my thoughts being less on Sean than the previous years (which is another blog altogether, one that’s very confused, angry and self-loathing full) or that said fact that Cee hasn’t been around to bring down the mood. Whatever the reason; I didn’t taste the bitterness of tears over my Christmas dinner. Yayyyy!!!!

 

A first for everything…

For the first time in my life I used religion to win an argument. I know, I know. I can’t believe it either but in my defence I couldn’t allow CeeCee to be right. (It’s like that episode of Friends where Phoebe goes out of her way to prove Joey wrong because she refused to bring children into a world where Joey was right.) I’m pretty sure it’s one of the signs of the apocalypse. I was saving humankind!

It started innocently enough; the kids where doing their homework and were asked to number the days. According to their notes Sunday was the first. Cee agreed stating that thats who her job worked it. I disagreed stating that Monday is the first, Sunday couldn’t be the start of the week since it’s classed as the weekend, emphasis on the end. This is when I whipped out the whole ‘God created the world in seven days. On the seventh day he rested and thats why Sunday is the Sabbath’. Mention anything relating to religion you’ll be left with blank looks from Cee and agreement from the parents. It helps to have them onside as my dad is one of those people you can’t actually win an argument with.

My mam, of course did what she usually does, tried to keep the peace with an ‘agree to differ’ option. I was happy to go with that but Cee seems to become a dog with a bone when she thinks I’m wrong and she’s right about something. I’m a self confessed dumb ass but she seems to see me as some sort of know it all smart ass. Oh, if only! In the end it came down to what it always comes down too – Google.

According to the Organisation of Standardisation Monday is the first day.

Ashling – one, Cee – nil!