Random Conversations #3

For a while now my sister has been talking about finding a new religion. What with new abuse stories being in the papers each day she is a little dis-hearten with the whole Catholic Church. So a few weeks ago she mentioned she’d like to be Jewish. That fleeting thought was then squashed when I happened to mention they don’t eat from a pig – “Do they not? Ah fuck that so. I love my fry on a Sunday morning.”

Then last night, we had another one of our usual random talks about nothingness which started when an add for SuperQuinn came on the TV.

Sis: You know what. I’m gone off meat lately.

Me: This mean your gonna give being a Jew ago?

Sis: Oooh, yeah. I could, couldn’t I.

Me: Whatever you do, don’t mention it to ma. I said I’m thinking of becoming Jewish the other day and she told me “ya will in your arse”

Sis: *surprised* Are you thinking about changing religion too? I’m gone off those priests. We should do it together. Don’t mind ma.
OK, thats that. We’ll become Jews so. Now, I just have to find out what they believe in.

Me: You’re an idiot!

 

I honestly didn’t think we could get more stupid as a country. Low and behold

The elephant man, or to use his Christian name, Brian Cowen, very secretly passed a new blasphemy law here in Ireland which came into effect on the 1st of January.

So now it’s actually illegal to blaspheme, punishable by a fine of 25,000 euro. What the fuck kind of shit is that? It just gives more creditably to my strong belief that Irish people shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near power. Power should be a dot to us. We’re just to keen on having the craic and getting paid as much as we can for the least amount of work. I doubt Fianna Fail could even organise a nun shoot in a nunnery.

All the shit we had to put up with for years due to the Catholic Church and this damn government is still licking its arse, despite the fact that the Church’s reputation is crumbling to its knees. Then again so is Fianna Fail with the amount of money they pissed against the wind. They probably have a pact with each other, or the devil, to drag each other out of these holes they both created.

Its highly, highly fucking annoying and it feels like those fuckers in power are still protecting those paedophile priests.

 

A first for everything…

For the first time in my life I used religion to win an argument. I know, I know. I can’t believe it either but in my defence I couldn’t allow CeeCee to be right. (It’s like that episode of Friends where Phoebe goes out of her way to prove Joey wrong because she refused to bring children into a world where Joey was right.) I’m pretty sure it’s one of the signs of the apocalypse. I was saving humankind!

It started innocently enough; the kids where doing their homework and were asked to number the days. According to their notes Sunday was the first. Cee agreed stating that thats who her job worked it. I disagreed stating that Monday is the first, Sunday couldn’t be the start of the week since it’s classed as the weekend, emphasis on the end. This is when I whipped out the whole ‘God created the world in seven days. On the seventh day he rested and thats why Sunday is the Sabbath’. Mention anything relating to religion you’ll be left with blank looks from Cee and agreement from the parents. It helps to have them onside as my dad is one of those people you can’t actually win an argument with.

My mam, of course did what she usually does, tried to keep the peace with an ‘agree to differ’ option. I was happy to go with that but Cee seems to become a dog with a bone when she thinks I’m wrong and she’s right about something. I’m a self confessed dumb ass but she seems to see me as some sort of know it all smart ass. Oh, if only! In the end it came down to what it always comes down too – Google.

According to the Organisation of Standardisation Monday is the first day.

Ashling – one, Cee – nil!

 

I’m a good Catholic girl

Yes, thats right, I am gone all so very high and mighty today because I got off my fat arse this Easter Sunday and went to mass.

I still don’t know what processed me?! That’s Christmas and now Easter. Woo! Go me.

Honestly, I’m kidding about the praise. I’m just a little shocked I went because I’ve such an aversion to mass in my local. For numerous reasons, actually.

1. I’m lazy. Simple as that!

2. Our priest is the biggest blower, and if it weren’t Easter Sunday, and if he weren’t a priest I would call him something worse. He was the priest that did my brothers funeral mass. Did he have to go on, and on, and on, and ON about what a sinner Sean was? How his soul would, know doubt, be burning now if it weren’t for all the prayers we were to be saying. Sean was no angel but how many sins could a 17 year old have that would send him to the fiery pits of hell?

Then this same idiot priest continuously gets some bit of detail wrong which time we get a mass said for Sean. No, his sister is not called Dona. The mass is for Sean! Not John. It’s an anniversary mass, not his birthday remembrance. No, its his birthday remembrance, not his anniversary. Idiot or just slow? All I know is he isn’t slow whipping the money for said masses, off my mam.

3. The smell. It’s Easter, make a damn effort to wash yourself, people!

4. If I wanted to be surrounded by so many damn whiny kids I would work in a creche.

Still…it’s not all bad. The corpse twins (the name given to them after appearing on the X-Factor) gave a particularly painful version of a song which earned a loud “Jesus Christ” from the guy behind me. Suffice to say, I snorted out loud.

 

Except that one with the loaves and the fishes, religion and food shouldn’t mix

My brother is trying to convince me that the belief in Adam and Eve is the basis of the Christian religion. *sigh*

He never did pay attention in religion class when the Corinthians were mentioned. They always seemed to be a rude sort of race to him. Never replying to poor Paul, after all the letters he would write to them. They never did seem to get their finger out to pen a reply.

Or perhaps he was just out stealing apples in the local orchard the day when the teacher cited the ‘if Christ be not rised…’yada yada yada

I was considering whether to go into the whole Pandora’s box of Adams first wife, Lilith. Thought better of it. I’d then have mother dearests input of her old reliable joke ‘it wasn’t the apple in the tree, it was the pare/pair on the ground’ to compete with for his attention. Plus I wouldn’t have been able to resist a conversation about Jinns and Angels since the whole concept of the fire-made Jinn is new to me.  His mind would then be unable to register all this and ultimately implode. Or so I shall tell people. In reality he’d just say ‘ah, blow it’ and ask if i was finished with my dinner.

Another night of intelligent after-dinner conversation at the Cranfords. Don’t you just envy us?!  

Didn’t think so.