Posted in Ramblings, Writings

I couldn’t let the year pass without writing something for it.

Posted on by Ashling Cranford

Something. Anything. I just couldn’t let an entire year go without some kind of entry. Despite it being old now – fourteen years – and almost never visited, this blog is still something important to me.

It didn’t become the thing I wanted it to be, at least I don’t think it did. That is, a place I could practice writing and improve on it. I can’t be the judge of that. I’m a always too negative about myself so can never trust it. I’ll leave it for the reader to decide if I have?

My grammar certain hasn’t improved. Still no idea how to use a semicolon in the correct way. My vocabulary isn’t much improved either. Fourteen years of blogging and three years achieving an English degree later, you’d be forgiven for thinking it would/should.

I’m a woman of simply pleasures, and simple thought.

Posted in Online Life

The Glory Days

Posted on by Ashling Cranford

I should be paying attention to my studies. But that’s the thing with doing a course in the midst of a Level 5 lockdown – you’re sitting at home, your camera is off, you’re not going to get called on to answer a question you weren’t listening too. You can totally procrastinate my scrolling through websites you used to frequent. I’m discovering so many no longer exist.

What we have now feel more and more like one growing conglomerate of a single website entity. All social media is increasingly offering the same-ish. Stories and filters and fast-paced content which offers no nuance.

My old home on leaky lounge, talking all things Harry Potter-ish to an obsessive degree, is kaput.

MSN Messenger, replaced with Skype. I’ve used Skype before. It’s fine. But so many sleepless nights spent talking to friends all over the world. 3am chats with my online bestie. Comic Sans unironically. MSN Messenger was basically my glory days of internet.

Hang on…I should be paying attention to this bit…

Okay, back again. Yes, Leaky gone. Bebo, we all knew that was gone but making a comeback. Minus our old embarrassing photos, which, despite the embarrassment, I would love to see again.

MySpace. What the hell happened to that place? It’s like Apple got a hold of it and sucked the colour out of it.

Livejournal is much the same but so low in traffic, it’s like talking to a void. Which basically is what blogging is for me, but WordPress has always been my void (the occasional straggler wandering in) and Livejournal used to be all about communities. But these are all but defunct now.

I think WordPress is the only thing that hasn’t drastically changed. I find some great sense of relief in that. Which isn’t to say I am happy with this current layout/header banner.

The 00s were the glory days of the internet and no one can convince me any different.

But I really should be getting back now.

Posted in Life

Isolation

Posted on by Ashling Cranford

This lockdown and subsequent self-isolation is kicking everybody’s arses right now. And the weather seems to be trolling us too. Ireland isn’t known for its fine weather or our good summers. Seems like summer knows we’re on lockdown and only allowed to stay within 2km of our homes for exercise and has come early just to tempt us, like some cruel demon from the depths of Hell.

I’ve not lost my job, thankfully and hopefully won’t, but we were deemed non-essential and dismissed for a few weeks. Means I am climbing the walls with boredom, anxiety and stress. Read a book? Can’t concentrate. Write something? Can’t concentrate. Do anything? Can’t concentrate. Write a blog post? This is as hard as getting my nails pulled.

Truthfully I can’t wait to get back to work. (As much as my brother likes having me home to clean the house, make the dinner and generally be there constantly so dad isn’t lonely.) As much as I complain about the minimum wage shithole, I miss the routine. I miss getting out of the house. I miss my friends there. And I particularly miss my crush and the big dopey head on him.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! I’M GOING INSANE. There really is only so many episodes of The Chase one can watch.

Posted in Life

2020

Posted on by Ashling Cranford

I haven’t visited in a while. Don’t worry, I’m not dead. Blogging just isn’t the thing anymore. I suppose its quick snaps and TikToks. Some times I miss the old glory days of blogging, but then I remember its not the blogging I miss but the people I had in my life at the time. It was a rough old decade in some ways. Loosing my mother being the hardest thing I ever faced in my life. It’s still a pain I cannot talk about, part of me has it sectioned off somewhere in my psyche, ready to overwhelm me with grief one day but that isn’t today thankfully.

Thankfully I am happier today than I have been in a very long time. I don’t know why, there’s still this chasm in my chest where loved ones (both dead and drifted) sit and rest heavy, but I am happy for now. And for someone who suffers from depression I know its fleeting, but “for now” is the best one can hope for and it is to be savoured while it lasts.

Posted in Life

10 Years

Posted on by Ashling Cranford

On the off chance I logged on in here today. Just to see how the old place is. But more because I had an overwhelming sense of nostalgia for a time in my life when things seemed more optimistic. That was supposed to be the meaning behind this blog: hopeful possibilities to enhance my writing. I don’t think that’s what it became but I loved it here nonetheless. There was a certain positive feeling which came with the anonymity of pouring my innermost thoughts out onto a page which barely anyone read.

I didn’t expect to see a notification which tells me it is exactly ten years since my very first post here. It feels surreal. Even though I’ve not posted on here in over a year, it does not feel like I’ve been here for ten years. A whole decade. It’s incredible to me.

Posted in Film

Dunkirk

Posted on by Ashling Cranford
So after hearing all the hype and seeing a lot of five star reviews I went to see Dunkirk.
I didn’t think you could create something so utterly boring from such a fascinating period of history. Atonement did a Dunkirk scene. One long tracking shot following James McAvoy’s Robbie Turner as he traverses the beach of Dunkirk, beautifully melded with a haunting score of The White Cliffs of Dover as he makes his way along the promenade. I remember reading a review which called it David Lean-esque but then reading Lean’s daughter saying it pales in comparison to her father’s work.
Well, if Wright’s Dunkirk scene paled in comparison, Nolan’s Dunkirk was definitely more lean than Lean.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
 
Continue reading “Dunkirk” →
Posted in Television

Unlucky for some

Posted on by Ashling Cranford

So I’ve just seen, and am very excited, that they are announcing the new Doctor this coming Sunday after the Wimbledon final.

The 13th Doctor.

Exciting.

Nerve-wracking.

If it’s Kris Marshall I’ll fucking stab someone. I dislike his face so much that I cannot watch Love, Actually without wanting to switch off the entire television. He’s stupid fucking character in that crap-fest of a movie…*tears skin off, throw it at the computer*

I know people are calling out for a female Doctor or a person of colour, but honestly, I just want anyone but Marshall. (But ideally Rupert Grint.)

 

Sad to see Calpadi go though. He really won me around by the middle of his second season. I didn’t initially warm to him at all because, I think, his Doctor was so far from what I adored most about Matt Smith’s Doctor, namely his humanity.

Eleven’s character for me was summed up in the football scene in The Lodgerepisode when he throws a little fit when the word “annihilation” is mentioned. “there will be no annihilation. Not now. Not ever…”
It’s further cemented in that stunning speech in Rings of Akhaten episode.

“Hey, do you mind if I tell you a story? One you might not have heard. All the elements in your body were forged many, many millions of years ago, in the heart of a far away star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings. Until eventually, they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. There is only one Merry Gejelh. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn’t a sacrifice. It is a waste.”

Eleven was a Doctor who wore his hearts on his sleeves. He loved and lost and loved again. He saved who he could and when he lost someone you could see that regret in his eyes. Twelve was a Doctor who knew he couldn’t save them all, and spent no time grieving that lost because more people will die if he did.  I’m paraphrasing from the Into the Dalek episode here, Clara was his career, “she cares so I don’t have to.”

Twelve took his first season answering the “am I a good man?” question. He seemed cold and detached and so far from what had come wrapped up in the eccentric hero of Eleven. Eleven was a good man. And I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.